When we are mindful, we naturally start becoming more self compassionate. And self-compassion, and the other-compassion it makes possible, is essential to a happy life as research is now proving. Learning to be more self compassionate is vital.
(review from site)
The relentless search for high self-esteem has become a virtual religion; and a tyrannical one at that. Our competitive culture tells us we need to be special and above average to feel good about ourselves, but we can’t all be above average at the same time. There is always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are. And even when we do manage to feel self-esteem for one golden moment, we can’t hold on to it. Our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lock-step with our latest success or failure.
Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many psychologists believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and others strongly suggests that people who are more self-compassionate lead healthier, more productive lives than those who are self-critical. And the feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable. Self-compassion steps in precisely when we fall down, allowing us to get up and try again.
Dr. Neff helps readers understand that compassion isn’t only something that we should apply to others. Just as we’d have compassion for a good friend who was going through a hard time or felt inadequate in some way, why not for ourselves? Many people believe that they need to be self-critical to motivate themselves, but in fact they just end up feeling anxious, incompetent and depressed. Dr. Neff’s research shows that far from encouraging self-indulgence, self-compassion helps us to see ourselves clearly and make needed changes because we care about ourselves and want to reach our full potential.
This groundbreaking book shows readers how to let go of their constant, debilitating self-judgment and finally learn to be kind to themselves. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, humor, and dozens of practical exercises, Dr. Neff—one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion—shows readers how to heal the wounds of the past so that they can be healthier, happier and more effective. Entertaining, highly readable and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.
The Compassion Book
Because you can’t read too much Pema Chodron. This is her introduction to Lojong.
Let compassion and fearlessness guide you and you'll live wisely and effectively in good times and bad. But that's easier said than done. Here Pema Chodron introduces a powerful, transformative method to nurture these qualities using a practice called lojong, which has been a primary focus of her teachings and personal practice for many years. And for centuries, Tibetan Buddhists have relied on these teachings to awaken the deep goodness that lies within us.
The lojong teachings include fifty-nine pithy slogans for daily contemplation, such as -Always maintain only a joyful mind, - -Don't be swayed by external circumstances, - -Don't try to be the fastest, - and -Be grateful to everyone.- This book presents each of these slogans and includes Pema's clear, succinct guidance on how to understand them--and how they can enrich our lives. It also features a forty-five minute downloadable audio program entitled -Opening the Heart, - in which Pema offers in-depth instruction on tonglen meditation, a powerful practice that anyone can undertake to awaken compassion for oneself and others.